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Wayne Cutts

Wayne Cutts: Proof that a cricketer’s value can never be judged purely in terms of wickets and runs. Just as well really because if Cutts was judged solely in terms of production there’s no jury in the land that could get him off. Twenty years for impersonating a cricketer and no prospect of parole – he’d probably be fined for wasting the court’s time as well.

As it is Cutts has made himself an invaluable member of the club due to his willingness to umpire, score and drive. On the field he has established himself as something of a specialist square leg fielder, always happy to chat to the umpire or throw himself enthusiastically into the path of the ball as the situation directs. He is the club’s premier leg spinner (technically that’s akin to being the most truthful member of Tony Blair’s cabinet – in other words nothing to brag about) and has shown that he has the ability to deliver a cunning googly. Unfortunately he has not shown he has the ability to consistently deliver it on the right strip.

Cutts has attracted much of his attention due to his exploits with the bat. Over the past few years Cutts has confidently backed himself to pass a set target if runs. Originally it was 100 and then it improbably rose to 150 following a particularly heavy night. However, for the past three seasons the target has been set at 50 and despite his best efforts – notably a career highest score of 12 this season – he has yet to win the bet.

At the crease Cutts resembles a blind man, poking around with a white stick rather than a piece of willow, hoping against hope to make contact with the ball, rather than allowing the ball to make contact with him or his stumps. A tendency to play a beautifully orthodox defensive stroke down the wrong line has not helped his development as a batsman and his most profitable shot is now a wild smear over midwicket.