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MATTY’S PIE

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that cricket used to make me smile
Then Darren dropped another chance
And Freeman fielded in a trance
Because he said it was his own style

So April’s winds made me shiver
With every wide ball Tatts delivered
And then we lost at Ickleford
When our bowlers got hit into the wood

I can’t remember if I cried
Because I’d led this cricket side
But something touched me deep inside
The day, the cricket, died

So...Bye, bye Austin’s let through more byes
Richie tried to hook a bouncer but got hit in the eye
Nathan and Latino are drinkin’ whiskey’n’rye
Because Matty served up another pie
Matty served up another pie

Did Latino give Freeman a shove?
Or did they enjoy illicit love?
I guess we just will never know.
But did Latino lose control
And threaten Matty’s mortal soul?
And can you tell me why Austin bats so slow?

Now I’m not saying Matty’s dim
Or that Houghton Town’s teas are grim
But they’ll drive you straight to booze
No matter if you win or lose

I know that Rizwan got a duck
And Col and Bexy had a ruck
But I knew that I was out of luck
The day, the cricket, died
I started singin’...

Bye, bye Austin’s let through more byes
Richie tried to hook a bouncer but got hit in the eye
Nathan and Latino are drinkin’ whiskey’n’rye
Because Matty served up another pie
Matty served up another pie

Now for ten years we've been on our own
And Martin Bigmore’s long since flown
But that's not how it used to be,
When Wayney looked like Mr Bean
And Bexy had to make a scene

Because he was always out for three
And Matty wore a troubled frown
Because he bowled just like a clown
It was hard for all concerned
Because he just never learned

And while we played cricket for a lark
Qumar got smashed all round the park
And we drank lager in the dark
The day, the cricket, died.
We were singin'...

Bye, bye Austin’s let through more byes
Richie tried to hook a bouncer but got hit in the eye
Nathan and Latino are drinkin’ whiskey’n’rye
Because Matty served up another pie
Matty served up another pie

Then we played Reed on a belter
And my helmet gave me little shelter
The ball fizzed through so fast
I landed slap on my arse
The game turned into a farce
And Mo’s face ended up in a cast

Then Tatts sent Ickleford to their doom
But Bexy’s head was full of gloom
He knew we’d blown our chance
And it was too late to advance

But we kept going on the field
And Offley’s team refused to yield.
But we knew that our fate was sealed
the day, the cricket, died
We started singin'...

Bye, bye Austin’s let through more byes
Richie tried to hook a bouncer but got hit in the eye
Nathan and Latino are drinkin’ whiskey’n’rye
Because Matty served up another pie
Matty served up another pie

Then Cerasale lost his pace
And Jeff beat Matty in a race
But it wasn’t his fault again
Because he’d felt a bit sick
So Bexy hit him with a stick
He hit him again and again

Then Darren stormed home in a rage
And Hoar broke his wrist at that stage
We all thought oh what the hell
Let’s give Freeman one more spell

But Matty bowled a load of shite
Pitching too short which wasn’t bright
I saw Wayney laughing with delight
The day, the cricket, died.
He was singin'...

Bye, bye Austin’s let through more byes
Richie tried to hook a bouncer but got hit in the eye
Nathan and Latino are drinkin’ whiskey’n’rye
Because Matty served up another pie
Matty served up another pie

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away.
Then Austin finally hit a four
And Matty fell down on the floor
And Gary’s missus said he couldn’t play

And on the pitch Freeman screamed
Because he’d bowled a good ball in his dreams
But we knew he was jokin’
And Nathan’s balls were broken

But then we hammered Bengeo
Due in no small part down to Mo
Then we got drunk and went with the flow
The day cricket came alive
And we were singin'...

Bye, bye Austin’s let through more byes
Richie tried to hook a bouncer but got hit in the eye
Nathan and Latino are drinkin’ whiskey’n’rye
Because Matty served up another pie
Matty served up another pie

We were singin'...
Bye, bye Austin’s let through more byes
Richie tried to hook a bouncer but got hit in the eye
Nathan and Latino are drinkin’ whiskey’n’rye
Because Matty served up another pie
Matty served up another pie